IN A COMA

Saturday, February 28, 2009
2:31:34 AM



Father God,

Since this is just between you and me, I’ll just be who I am. So, this is what being in-love means. Being in-love with you means that I get to forget who I am in your glory. At dawn when I know I need to revisit my notes for the up and coming exams that will help carve the next years of my life, it’s your living Word I want to see. Being in-love with you is like being in a coma. My body lies on a white bed, inside a white room and you are my life-support. With all of my bones and veins shouting simultaneously with my heart, I don’t know how to live without you anymore. I used to think that I was already on the right path, but seeing your greatness made me realize that I am such a worthless being. And that I owe you everything I have. I am grateful that you showed me who I am beyond nothingness in the light of your everlasting power. Being in-love with you makes me forget my mundane cravings and ambitions. Being in-love with you casts all sorrows and anxieties. I now have a wall with a tender heart in you. You are my defender, my shelter and tower of refuge against the surging waves ready to destroy my sanity… I have you. Being in-love with you means that I should erase worries in my vocabulary… I don’t know that word anymore. Instead, knowing that you love me tells me to just wait patiently on the help you already sent even before I asked you to. You answer my calls in unexpected ways… you never fail to surprise me. Being in-love with you sometimes mean that other people will not understand my calmness amidst tribulations and chaos, but that’s okay. I like it that way. It’s like having a fool-proof code between us, that only the two of us understand. Some may judge the person you have already created in me, but with all humility, I have decided not to look and see them. Anyhow, I cannot blame them. I will always fall short of your standards and your righteousness does not deserve my soul. But I’ll try to focus my eyes on your heart and your light that shines through my way. Being in-love with you gives me an expectant heart… I expect that you will make my tomorrows far better than my todays… and again, you never fail to go beyond my expectations. Being with you means that I will always have a patient mentor and a confidant with a passionate heart. All you want for me is to learn from you and your lowly heart. I will spend the rest of my years listening to you. Strengthen me with the wisdom in your refreshing words. I don’t come to you and cleave on you for power… you trained me not to. I try to just be where you are so I can enjoy your arms embracing me… I love that you hold my hands. I know that I will be stubborn, hopefully not as frequent as before, so just call me by my name and let me hear your sweet yet thundering voice to remind me I need to go back home. Father, bring me to different places… I want to see the other lands you built and created… our properties. Being with you means that I will always find wells of living water to assure me I will never be thirsty again. Thank you for the bread on our table… thank you for not just bringing me to good restaurants but providing for my loved ones as well. I am grateful that you love those I love. Actually, by the way you show your greatness to them, I know and believe you love them more than I do. Thank you that you make me smile through simple yet deep things when I don’t have anyone to share my emotions with. Being loved by you makes me want to leave work early and meet you in our closet and talk to you again. But I know you hear my whispers and silent utterance wherever and whenever. Awesome. You made my world beautiful. My limited intelligence will never comprehend how your love is renewed every morning… It never grows old. Your love is as fresh and completely overflowing as the time you sent your Son to pay for my debts which are beyond my ability and worthiness to pay… how can I ever repay His holy blood? But you never seem to shrug it to my face. That’s one of the many incomprehensible things about you Father. Teach me to love like you do.

All I want is to be with you forever… whatever I go through in this life. David sang songs of grief and dance in the music of triumph. I want to write in sorrow and rejoice in the richness of your provisions… that wherever I go, whatever happens you will travel with me. I used to be a drifter in this evanescent planet, but finding you took away the vagabond spirit in me. I’ve already found my home in you. Your death gave me life and I can never repay that. Amazing and will forever be unfathomable.

One day, I’ll finally see you face to face. And I look forward to that. Continue to reveal yourself to me. Let me love you more.

Still in a coma… no.
Will always be...