I don’t go to his house anymore

13th day of September, year 2004

And it was the shift bid. It is the time when teams get to choose their most desired schedule, except it is based on their performance. Unfortunately, we got the 12 midnight which means our punch-out is at nine in the morning (I wonder why is that?) Worse is that I still have to work Saturday evenings and be home at around 11 the next day. Given that kind of lifestyle at work needed a lot of adjustments. I miss being home at night when my family’s there. I don’t get to sleep on time when everybody else in south-east Asia is peacefully asleep.
But there is that one thing which bothered me… my time to visit the most important part of my life.
When that season started, I also had issues with the church I’m attending. It came to a point when I asked my self if my spiritual life is growing because of the church and seriously, that moment I don’t know what to answer anymore. So it concerned me a lot. Satan managed to show me what I don’t have to look at, the people around me when I should be looking directly at God. Of course, people are imperfect, even if one is already a born-again Christian they are not immune to mistakes. So I begin to evaluate what they have done and why they are doing it, and why they are not doing this and that. So I used my work schedule as an excuse why I can’t go to church, where in fact I know I can. It was April then and I started on considering attending a different church. But of course I need to ask God first, or else I won’t be going anywhere. His approval means everything. Several months passed, and I’m still stuck in our house every Sunday. And guilt is building up inside me… I don’t go to church I only read the bible, and there are even days when I don’t because I’m so tired my eye lids can’t hold on much longer. Then one morning, I was having breakfast with my family and the am radio was on. A pastor was preaching when he said “one cannot just read the bible and not attend the church when he is having a relationship with the Lord, because relationship is not just being committed with the head but with the whole body”. It struck me of course. Tears start to drown my eyes, but I managed not to show my parents because they might think I am beginning to be weird again. That instance plus other situations which I am aware were telling me that I need to go back to church. And when I don’t attend the Sunday morning service, it seems not just my day, but my entire week was incomplete.
So finally, I came back to my senses… and even if God has plans for me to serve in another church someday, He is telling me it is not the right time.
So the morning of September 12, even if we had post shift meeting, I firmly decided that I needed to go and attend God’s ministry. As I was traveling, and I felt the sunlight touching my face when I was walking, suddenly I saw in my mind when God was on the cross that afternoon, sweating with His blood, and dust getting inside not just His wounds but lacerations, I felt ashamed to even think what sacrifice I am doing because it is nothing compared to what He did for me on the cross of Calvary.

Perhaps God lets my ignorance take advantage of me, because He wants me to realize for myself what I have been doing and missing.