Do I Make You Happy

December 19, 2007

My Father God

His Throne

Heaven

My love,

Hi. I know. The greeting is kind’a new. I was just looking back about us. I have this one question for You… Are you happy with me? Do I make You happy? Often times, i ask my self if I am happy with You… or something to that effect. Because even if I don’t put those exact words, I tend to always focus on such questions. I forget that I am in a relationship with You. You are my lover, the cool and silent lover of “me”, in spite of and even if. That is why I hope this question would be an eye opener to me.

I want You to be happy with me. I want to make You happy. I don’t want to do something so awful that would tear Your heart. From time to time I find my self hanging on (even if I so wanted to let go and just jump off the cliff hoping to land somewhere safe). And there were times when I wanted to just stay hold on to something or someone, keep it somewhere deep and hidden (who am I kidding?) hoping You would just ignore it or let it slide… But I know You, You are truly a jealous One. And I deeply understand. You have all the reasons and every right to be One. And I adore You so much. Where am I going with this one? I guess, all I wanted to say is this… I may have given up things, dreams, aspirations, and relationships because of You but I never regret losing life if losing it means finding You. I know I love You. But I also know it is not the reason. I was able to give up and somehow sacrifice my own happiness because I know You loved me first. And with that, I want to show You that I appreciate, hmmm, such a shallow word to use for this context… Grateful, with all sincerity of heart. Giving up something or someone will never outweigh what You have done for my life. You have loved me completely, beyond the heavens…more than You greatness and kingdom, more than Your being God. How? Who am I? Father, more love for You. More of this intimate moments with You. I want to love You more, so I can show my friends who You are in my life. I pray, in Jesus Mighty Name that my love for you will abound and flow like the Niagara Falls. That no sentence will end without me telling of Your goodness and indescribable love. Let me focus on You first and set aside the mundane and fleeting pleasure this world offers. You loved me when I would not even dare to look at my self.

I love You Father.