The Most Tragic Love Story

May 1, 2007

Tuesday

10:13pm

My room.

Dear Lord,

Hi Father. You know that today is my birthday in the Spirit. This is my fifth birthday with You. I can’t pull back my tears. Remember that I used to write almost every night about my life? I used to type words to describe what I thought was an amazing day for me. I was so lost. I did not know happiness, because I don’t know You. I thought I was okay. I was proud about who I am. At the same time I did not know what to do with my life. I know something was definitely wrong with me. I tried to find it through things, through people… I looked and I got exhausted. No matter where I turn nor what I do, I always fail. Why? I wanted things my way… but what You made me realize was my way is actually the worst. That until the time I will humbly admit that I am hopeless without You, I will continue tumbling down, bruised and definitely painfully hurt. How I was able to find Your throne was a crystal-clear miracle.

I know none of the things I do will ever be worthy of how You sent Jesus to earth. And I am sorry for falling short of Your glory. But Father, stay with Me. Crush me if You must. Let me bleed if that is what it takes for me to stay by Your side. I know this abominable earth will find every possible way of luring me to the grave… But through the years You treated me so good I would be a total imbecile if I ever let You go. No one has ever treated me this way… and certainly no can ever measure up to what You gave me.

Father, since You are the only source of everything, I ask that You give me a deeper and greater love for You through Your Holy Spirit. I admit that when I think of what You said about losing life and crucifying oneself to the cross, that I no longer live, instead You are the One who will take charge, I am afraid. I am frightened about the idea of not doing what I want to do with my life. Scared of losing my authority to decide for myself. You know me. You know my nature. Weak and stubborn. Help me Lord. Give me the courage to follow You. I know You showed me that if ever I will grab my life from You, I will feel in control. But I know it will cost me “us”. You have been the strong wall around my world. Because of You, I am not shaken. Definitely at the end, I will only lose the war I started against You. But nothing can ever compare to the most tragic love story if I will lose You… My greatest Love. I dread that day. So take all of me. Embrace me. Carry me. And let me fulfill the purpose You have for my life. Let me love You deeper than this. Let me hold onto You. Let me fall in-love with You deeper everyday and beyond eternity. Let me love You passionately. Intimately. You and me Father. You and me.

Hold me forever.

P.S.

Happy anniversary to us.